Thank you, Mom

I love my mom.

And oh my goodness...I am so grateful for my mom this past week!

She has been staying with us and helping out with the house and the kids since a couple of days after Gianna was born. She is such a cheerful, intuitive servant. I know she is bone-tired by the end of the day, every day, but she has yet to lose her smile or her patience. She has cooked and cleaned and done all my laundry. She made me brownies. She has gotten up every morning with the older kids. She ran out to the pharmacy for me at 10 o'clock at night on my first night home.

And this woman has spent hours reading the same Thomas the Train book to Gabe while he sits on the potty. He has only pooped in the potty four times since he started potty training in March. He's golden on pee-pee, but remains unconcerned about making the trip all the way to the potty for bowel movements. It's an icky daily routine that Mom has been a trooper about.

Mom is also an amazing listener. I think that Michael and I both have poured out our hopes and fears and worries to her in little snippets over the course of the past week. With Michael's injury a few weeks ago (blog post coming soon on that one), we've been a little worried and stressed lately, and a wise and listening mother's ear has been almost as nice as somebody else helping me potty train Gabe. She is an easy person to talk to, and she doesn't try to impose her opinions on you. She is just quietly respectful and encouraging, always steering you back to a positive, God-centered outlook on things when needed.

I wish I could give my mom the moon for everything she has done for us this past week, but I can't. Any creative Thank You Gift ideas for an eternally grateful daughter on a budget? :)

I did give Mom this lovely infinity scarf for Mother's Day, and it looks beautiful on her. :)

On a family beach trip a couple of years ago. I was about six months pregnant with Faith. You know, I always seem to be pregnant when I get to go to the beach! Oh well.:) 

I love this picture of my mom. It's a few years old, since I rode horses as a teenager, and I'm a few years out from being a teenager these days.:) This is my horse Orion. Isn't he gorgeous?! I miss horses so much. I also miss how riding and horses was something special that Mom and I shared for so many years when I was growing up. Mom has always had a love for horses too.:)

Welcome, my love!

My precious baby girl, Gianna Therese, was born this past Sunday, May 5 just before 11pm (and a couple of weeks early:). She was a pink, plump, squalling angel who knew her Mommy as soon as they laid her on my chest, all gooey and squishy and head-full-of-dark-soft-hair perfect. At one week old, so far she has been a calm, happy, sleepy little soul, and we are so in love with her.

Pope Francis on complaining

A friend sent me a link today to this April 3 homily of Pope Francis. The Pope's homily, in which he references the road to Emmaus Gospel reading of that day, is about how complaining and wallowing in discouragement prevent us from recognizing Christ in our lives. I wanted to share.:)

It occurred to me while I was reading this that even when we don't complain out loud about our difficulties, a lot of times we still complain interiorly, in effect, by feeling sorry for ourselves and by thinking constantly about our troubles. (Or maybe that's just me?!:)

Worrying too much, going over things too much--all those little ways of essentially complaining in our hearts instead of giving each and all to God--prevent us from seeing God's merciful, purposeful, and loving hand in our lives.

One of my favorite parts of the homily:

"When all people can think of is how wrong things are going, the Lord is close, but we don’t recognize him. He walks with us, but we don’t recognize him. Like the disciples joined by the risen Lord on the road to Emmaus, people can hear beautiful things, but deep down, they continue to be afraid."

“Complaining seems safer. It’s something certain. This is my truth: failure. But the Gospel story shows how very patient Jesus is with the disciples, first listening to them and then explaining things step by step, until they see him. Jesus does this with us, too...even in the darkest moments, he is always with us, walking with us.”

May Jesus patiently continue to teach me how to let nothing disturb or dismay me, and what it means to let Him suffice for all my needs.

Kids don't REALLY like being in charge.

Why is it that our kids have the biggest temper tantrums when we are trying to do something nice for them?

Why do they suddenly get grumpy and throw their sippee cups and fight with their siblings when I've taken them out to a nice (-er than McDonalds) restaurant and just paid way too much for a "kids meal" I could have made at home and snuck in the restaurant in my purse? Why do they throw a fit about getting into their carseats after their mothers scheduled a play date at Chic-fil-a with their best friends, then let them actually have apple juice (instead of water), their own box of chicken nuggets, their own dipping sauce, and 20 whole minutes in the play place?

At least with my three-year-old, I've learned not to fall all over myself to treat him. He seems to be happier that way. He likes boundaries. If I say "yes" to everything, and give him tons of choices about food, and plan an entire day of activities for him, and let him stay up as long as he wants, etc. etc. etc., he turns into a total grump.

Michael was out of town with Faith at a wedding this past weekend, and Gabe and I had three entire days to ourselves. It was absolutely lovely. Except, I admit, for when I set out a couple of times to "focus totally on him." I planned some special activities for us and made or bought his favorite foods. I let him listen to whatever he wanted to in the van. And you know what? Looking back, when my words and actions basically put him "in charge,"  he wasn't a happy camper.

He threw a fit when I gave him too many choices for lunch one day. And when I took him for an ice cream cone at McDonald's before going to see the rockets at NASA, he started whining and fussing at the littlest things. He suddenly refused to read any of the books he had picked out to read at mass. He started yelling at me rudely to turn down the volume on the radio. And he whined and complained the entire time I was scrubbing out the water table I stopped and picked up (for free) from a neighbor's yard for the kids.

A friend of mine set out to make her three-year-old a princess for a day on her third birthday last year. She invited me and my kids to the zoo for the morning (she brought her daughter's favorite breakfast, donuts) then we went out to lunch. That afternoon, she had planned to get ice cream and then go to a local theme park for the evening, then out to dinner with grandparents. Her little girl was a screaming, whiny toddler-zilla all morning. And from my friend's later recollection of the day, all afternoon and all evening.

I think it's best to keep things simple with these little ones. All the rest of the hoopla and treats just make mommy and daddy feel nice. These sweet little souls are happy with so little. That is why, finances aside, we will not be taking our kids to Disneyworld or the like for a few years at least.:)

I do think there is a way to give special things to our children in a way that still gives them boundaries and lets them know who's in charge. I think it's in our tone of voice, in our way of speaking, and in our choice of things we give them.

I'm still learning, mostly by trial and error. See above. :)

I think it was St. Josemaria (who else, considering how often his quotes are in my posts:) who said that too much comfort makes us unhappy, because we get so used to being comfortable that we start to make our own crosses out of the slightest discomforts. Something to ponder! How similar we are to our little children.

The Patience Song

Last year, I made up a little song to help me teach little 2 1/2 year-old Gabriel about patience, and I posted it in the kitchen, where he would get impatient a lot when waiting on meal and snack times.

Whenever Gabe got a little cranky, I would say, "Oh, sounds like you're having trouble being patient right now! Let's sing our Patience Song together while we wait for me to finish getting dinner ready for you." About 75% of the time, I could redirect him pretty successfully by singing this catchy little song with him a couple of times. If I needed extra time, I would start to prompt him about all of the things he was thankful for that day, i.e. friends, Daddy, going to park, Jesus, etc.

The melody is the one from "Brother John/Frere Jacques?":

Patience, patience

is a virtue

Waiting a while

With a smile

Trusting God will always bring

Everything we really need

Patience starts

with thankful hearts

I really like this little song, because it is such a wonderful reminder for Gabriel's mommy too.

There are so many things in our lives that each of us is waiting on. Big things and small things. A lot of those things aren't really needs, when it comes down to it. And when we wait on anything, the Lord asks us to do it cheerfully. How's that for a loaded adverb? Cheerfulness has got to be part of the virtue of patience. I certainly don't want to teach my kids that patience simply means "not whining" anymore and sitting there all sulky and grumpy until I serve them their dinner! 

Just like I try to redirect my kids when they are impatient, making a conscious effort to redirect our impatience and anxiety to practice thankfulness interiorly is so fruitful for our souls. 

I have a dear friend who started keeping a "Thankfulness List" on the side of her refrigerator. She had things on there like, "John-Matthew bringing me flowers from the garden," to "Pio waking up dry this morning," to "Matt being such a devoted husband to me." I won't list out all of the really, really big things this friend had to wait on in her own life, but suffice to say, she is a calm and holy woman who has been through a lot, and whose practice of being thankful for the small things in life is a beautiful and essential part of her spirituality. 

To quote a song from Veggie Tales' "Madame Blueberry," "a happy heart is a thankful heart." 

I still have Anne Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts on my book list. You know, the book list that is filed in the back of your mind immediately behind "MUST GET INCOME TAXES OUT!" and "START WORKING ON MOTHER'S DAY GIFTS!" and "FIND THAT COUPON TO PAIR WITH THE 5-FOR-5 DEAL ON OATMEAL AT KROGER THIS WEEK." 

Five Favorites (April 3, 2013)

In lieu of a more substantial post tonight...here you go.:) 

1. Sugar cookie bars

These sugar cookie bars from Six Sisters' Stuff are so good--and super easy to make. I brought some to my OB's office a few months ago, and now everyone there refers to them as "Erin's sugar cookie crack." At least one person reminds me about them every time I go in. I think the Secret Ingredient to making these sugar cookie bars so good is the blue icing. There is just something about blue icing (with sprinkles if possible!) that makes them irresistible... 

I am planning on making these for my doctor and her staff again for one of my upcoming OB appointments, since I'm now just about in the go-every-week stage of this pregnancy. (Yay!)

2. Maternity dresses

I love wearing dresses at this point in my pregnancies. (Since this is my third baby, I feel like I get to talk like that now.:) It's just that I feel so big and unattractive in these last few weeks, and my maternity pants are tighter--and hotter!--and soft, cottony maternity dresses just make me feel feminine and girly again. I especially love maxi dresses (well, my one maxi dress:) because they are long and cover my legs, which are swelling a lot more with this baby than with my previous two babies.:( Also, practically speaking, wearing a dress does make things simpler when you have to pee 50 times a day. 

Don't forget some super-cute shoes! I really like these little Target wedges.:) Trust me, I'm all about comfort right now especially, but I still enjoy wearing adorable shoes for special occasions--even nine months pregnant. 

3. Hobby Lobby

A really, really great gift for me is always a gift card to Hobby Lobby. I just love treasure-hunting in there when I have a few extra bucks to devote to decorating my little house or finding a unique gift for someone. :) 

4. SwaddleMe's

My first two babies have loved being swaddled, at least for the first three or so months.:) I technically know how to swaddle with a regular ole' swaddling blanket, of course, but babies always seem to be able to get a tiny arm out, no matter how tightly I wrap them up! When I had my sweet Gabriel (my first baby), SwaddleMe's made me feel like such a pro. Wrapping Gabe's fragile, beautiful, tiny little body in that cute little SwaddleMe kind of packaged him up in a way that gave me some much-needed confidence. All swaddled up, he was a calm, happy, solid little bundle of joy. :)

5. The Mark of the Lion series

Go back five or so years here....

I was desperate to find a going-away dress to wear after my upcoming wedding. Somehow I had gotten this idea in my head that I needed a new dress to walk out of the reception in. Anyway. I had about $200 left in my bank account (lucky Michael, about to marry such a wealthy woman!), meaning that my budget for this dress was Spend As Little As Possible. Well, not only did I find the perfect dress for $20 on the clearance rack at Anne Taylor Loft (!), I happened to get some great book advice from the sales clerk on a book to read on my honeymoon. I think she saw my scapular and figured that I was at least Christian, and she told me I had to read Francine Rivers' Mark of the Lion series, a Christian fiction series about a series of characters living right after the fall of Jerusalem in the (first?) century, as well as during the terrible persecution of Christians by Rome. Well, I promptly went out and spent $13 more of All I Had Left to My Name and bought the first book in the series, A Voice in the Wind, and tucked it away in my honeymoon luggage. I was so engrossed in this book (NOT a light reading or chick-flickey book, by the way) that I probably didn't pay quite as much attention to my husband as he would have liked on our trip, but I think he has since forgiven me. :)

In all seriousness, I loved the series and totally recommend it. 

Some thoughts on discernment from a brief foray into cloth diapering:)

A few weeks ago, a family I know passed down a huge box of cloth diapers to me. The box had an entire set of covers and prefolds and an entire set of Fuzzibunz--hundreds of dollars worth of cloth diapers and accessories. Truly a generous blessing! I had always said that I would be open to giving cloth a try, but probably only if someone gave me a set.

Not thinking that would ever happen, obviously.

Getting a free set of nice cloth diapers is a pretty big deal. I felt like I owed it to myself to give cloth a serious chance and discern if this was something that worked for my family. I have a good friend who sells all kinds of cloth diapers and is something of an expert now (you're fabulous, Nicole!:), and she taught me how to use and care for everything, and even helped me troubleshoot and issue or two. I tried both the covers and the Fuzzibunz (and liked the Fuzzibunz better actually).

Despite pretty decent "success" in my foray into cloth (i.e. no leaking!), the short story is that cloth diapering isn't something that works for my family right now.

After several days of sticking with it, I felt a peace about choosing to pass on the box of cloth diapers to a dear friend who was thrilled to bits to have them. I think it comes down to a lifestyle change involving extra time and work that would fall virtually entirely to me, and I couldn't find in myself a deep enough conviction that this was what I was supposed to be doing for my family. When I took into consideration all of the multitude of factors that describe me, my family and everything about our life right now, cloth was "a nice thing to do," but wasn't justified deeply enough beyond that.

True confession now: I felt inordinately guilty for a brief couple of days about choosing to stick with disposables. So many families I look up to happen use cloth, and I started to wonder if they were more "evolved" than me in some way. My worries ranged from semi-legitimate to ridiculous:
Should I be more worried about the environment? Should I be more worried about the chemicals in disposable diapers hurting my kids? Should I be more ready to sacrifice in this way to save money on diapers considering our financial situation? Am I being selfish? 

(Not to mention I dreaded telling my sweet friend who had spent so much time enthusiastically teaching me about everything and assuring me I'd fall in love with cloth.)

As with so many other of those little insecurities that I fight sometimes, I started to doubt, doubt, doubt and worry, worry, worry. I am happy to say that the Deceiver had a relatively short-lived field day shaking me up though, because the Lord mercifully took off my self-imposed blinders and reminded me of something: "For well I know the plans I have for you..." He said. Via the cute little canvas sign I have above the sink in my kids' bathroom. :)

I just realized all of a sudden...remembered really...that God has very different plans for every person and family I know. There are so many different kinds of families in my acquaintance. We all have incredibly different personalities, backgrounds, work situations, family dynamics, illness factors, financial situations, and constantly shifting seasons of life. 

Of course no one way of diapering our babies is right for all of us. For goodness sake. No one way of feeding our families or educating our kids or praying or living is going to be the same (or the One Right Way To Do It) in God's plans for all of us. 

The one thing we do all have in common (other than the fact that none of us has things all figured out!) is that we are called to teach our kids about God, to grow our marriages and our homes in love and relationship with God, and to witness our faith to everyone around us. 

As long as we are doing those three things in the ways we've discerned as best we can that God wants us to do them, we (I) have to rest in that and resist comparing ourselves constantly to others. 

Part of that "resting" is admitting that we aren't perfect at discerning His will for us, but trusting that if we keep praying for a heart open to the Holy Spirit's promptings, He will let us know what we're supposed to be doing. 

Five Favorites (March 27, 2013)

So, I'm putting a pinky toe out into the deep to join Moxie Wife's new Five Favorites link up. I love the idea, but we'll see if I keep up with her on frequency of posting them!

I know I haven't been doing so well lately with posting regularly. Baby girl is due in a little over seven weeks, so all around I am really slowing down a little at this point on all fronts.:) I hope you enjoy my Five Favorites this week!

Blessings on each of you!

1. Iced mochas

I'm a big iced mocha fan. Oh yes. My out-at-the-coffee-shop-night-out treat. My drink of choice for optimal writing, blogging and radio show work. Michael loves iced mochas too. With both of us liking them, though, we have to keep our budget in mind! A couple of times I have big jugs of real iced coffee at home from a great Pioneer Woman recipe, but I found that Michael and I are fine just brewing strong coffee in our tiny four-cup coffee maker, filling a glass with ice, then adding skim milk and chocolate syrup. Really healthy, I know, but still cheaper than McDonald's or Starbucks! And we both skip the whipped cream, chocolate shavings and caramel drizzle, if that makes you feel any better for our sake. :)

2. Shabby Apple

How precious is this dress?! I don't have any Shabby Apple items in my closet (yet!), but I hope to one day!  Their clothes are beautiful, feminine, classic--and modest. I feel/am two-months-left-of-pregnancy-didn't-stay-in-the-ideal-weight-gain-limits huge right now, but when my baby weight starts to come off in a few months, and I get a waist back and can fit in more than one pair of pajama pants again, I'd just love to have a new dress for nice events. I have a little money saved from a generous Christmas benefactor or two that might be going toward something special from this site:) 

3. Father Elijah

I read this book when Michael and I went on our mommy-and-daddy-only cruise last fall, and I loved it. My poor hubby had to put up with me all-but-buried in this book for most of the cruise--poor guy! I can't recommend it for light reading, but for a rich, action-packed, thought-provoking, prayer-provoking, solid Catholic fiction read...this book was amazing.

4. Leah Darrow

We recently had Leah on my radio show, Faith and Good Counsel, and I absolutely loved her interview with us. Her story (similar to my own modeling story) includes being on season 3 of "America's Next Top Model" and modeling for a couple of years in New York. She had a major conversion of heart one day at a photo shoot and called her father, who dropped what he was doing to drive more than 2,000 miles to go pick her up! I wish I could take her out for coffee and get to know her better. She had some incredibly powerful things to say about striving for real womanhood and true beauty in the face of a culture that has twisted and torn down Godly beauty. Leah's website gives a little better description of what God is calling this lovely woman to do these days. Definitely keep an eye out for her--she is going places. :)

5. Sense and Sensibility

I remember being so bored and lost during this movie when my mom and aunts would watch it. (It came out back in the dark ages (1995) when I was still pretty young I guess:). At some point, though, I watched this movie again and got it. I practically depend on this movie when I am laid out with the flu or some sick bug or another (and have time to actually lay down and watch a movie). When I'm feeling really sorry for my poor, sick self...chicken soup? Nah. Sense and Sensibility? Yes, please! 

Thoughts on a diary

I was asked to do a book review this spring of Cynthia Montanaro's just-published book, Diary of a Country Mother. I'm a little late in posting this (of course!), but here is my review.

The short review: I really, really liked this book.

But here's the "long" version.:)

I have to confess that I don't make a lot of time for reading, even though I love to read. At the end of the day right now, I'd rather go to bed than stay up reading! Somehow I found time to read Diary of a Country Mother, though, and it was honestly less of a stretch than I thought it would be.

The book is written as a year of diary entries and reflections about the life and death Cynthia's youngest son, Tim, who struggled with learning disabilities and mental illness throughout his life until his death at age 15. The book was something I found I could pick up and put down a little at a time, and it was a fairly fast read for me. I honestly came away with a little nugget of blessing each time I picked it up. Cynthia's thoughts are graceful but concise. In her reflections and memories of Tim, she seamlessly weaves the heartbreaking in with the stop-and-put-this-in-my-heart profound in with the side-splittingly funny.

What got me about this book was how rock-solid Cynthia's faith is--and in turn her testimony to how rock-solid our God is, no matter what sufferings we are going through. Cynthia's grieving and healing is so rooted in Scripture, in particular. This book is a must-read especially for anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one or has dealt with loved ones suffering from a mental illness. Cynthia writes from a place of real peace, hope and acceptance of God's will in her life. You see throughout the book how she was and is truly sustained, kept on track, and encouraged by both Scripture and the sacraments both as she was raising Tim and now in her grieving of his death.

Something that inspired me in my life as a young mother was how incredibly faithful the Montanaro family is in their daily life. I was so inspired by how they lived out their faith, how they prayed together as a family, and how they taught the faith to their children in so many small ways. I am "stealing" several ideas from them now and am storing others up for the future.:)

I think that part of the reason that I decided to review this book is probably because I have a close friend who is a Catholic therapist and counselor. One of her heart's desires is to practice and promote a Catholic approach to treatment and counseling of those dealing with mental health issues in themselves or in family members. She has really opened my eyes to how profoundly faith can heal and sustain people in so many of those situations. Cynthia Montanaro and her family delighted in their son and brother and loved him through all of the various difficulties of his illness. Cynthia really emphasizes that the value and impact of a single human being cannot be measured.

Needless to say, my friend will soon be getting my copy of Diary of a Country Mother in the mail. :)

Viva il papa!

Welcome, Pope Francis, our new "papa"! As my friend and radio co-host Staci exclaimed yesterday on the show, "I love him already!" :)

Praise God for this humble man, for his long and fruitful ministry in Argentina and for all that the Lord will accomplish in His timing and wisdom during Pope Francis' pontificate!

Happiness roundup

You know what this blog needs lately? Some adorable pictures of my munchkins!:) 

Comin' right up! 

New haircut, courtesy of "Salon Mommy"!  

A new Big Boy haircut was needed to go along with a new Big Boy skill, of course, going potty! We are now more than two weeks, dozens of stickers, and a whole bag of Mini M&M's in, and Gabe is a pro (at least at going #1:). I'm so proud! And I love not having two in diapers, at least for a few weeks. 

We went to our local strawberry farm a couple of weekends ago for a friend's birthday party, and the kids (and their parents) LOVED picking all of the juicy red strawberries. We picked about five pounds of strawberries, feasted for a week on them, and had none left over to freeze...oh well. :)

Does this picture give away how much of a character this little girl is? She's completely hilarious and makes us laugh many times a day, every single day. 

I let Gabe ride Mossy Oak Mudslinger the bronco in front of HEB one day when we had a date at the grocery store. He was pretty proud of himself. :)

That's my girl! 

Michael surprised me and built a picnic table while I was on my silent retreat a few weeks ago. I've been wanting a table and chairs for the backyard for a long time.:) 

We had an impromptu crawfish boil last Saturday--the first of the season! Gabriel and Faith call crawfish "bugs," and they call the lobsters in the tank at the grocery store "big bugs." We are hosting a big crawfish boil at the house for Michael's networking group in a few weeks, and Michael wanted to perfect his technique and seasonings for this year before the big day. 

Faith with "Baby Stella," one of her favorite Christmas presents. She and Gabriel are both talking about Mommy's Baby a good bit now. They both thoroughly enjoy barging into the bathroom every time I am in there (which is frequently, since I'm 7 months pregnant right now:) and rubbing my tummy to say "hi" to the baby.

My precious boy was SO BRAVE at his first dentist appointment last week. I was so First-Time-Momma-Taking-Baby-to-the-Dentist proud of him!!! 

So proud of him that after his appointment I marched him to the Nestle Toll House Cafe next door and let him pick out whatever he wanted. Especially after he told me he had to go pee-pee and we went to the bathroom there! Turns out he's a fan of M&M cookies. That's my boy.:) 

A new take on old advice

“Just take things day by day” always seems to be popular advice when we’re going through something tough in our lives. But I think it’s more helpful in the spiritual life to take that idea a step further.

“Perform faithfully what God requires of you in each moment, and leave the thought of everything else to Him. I assure you that to live in this way will give you great peace.” ~St. Jane Frances de Chantal

Giving my full attention to the moments of my day is a real act of will for me. So much of my day consists of small, mundane tasks like cooking and caring for my children. My mind wants to wander to how I’m going to complete the next task on my to-do list or how I should handle problems I’m having in my life.

And you know what happens to me? I end up doing so many things half-heartedly…in my marriage, my parenting, my domestic duties, and even my spiritual life.

In my particular life and vocation, what God “requires” of me right now in a given moment could be to rock my little girl to sleep when she’s not feeling well, or maybe to use some free time to catch up on chores. Sometimes what He requires of me is to keep my patience with a cranky toddler, or put away my cell phone so I can have my full attention on the road when I’m driving.

For others, maybe being kind to an irritating coworker is what God asks of them in one moment. Maybe someone’s “yes” in another moment is just to get out of bed on time in the morning. Someone else may be called to stop Internet surfing at work to focus on a project at hand, or to tenderly focus on some task in caring for an aging parent.

A few nights ago, I realized how absent I had been that day to my home and my children. I had been thinking and worrying about a tough situation in my life all day long, and I was pretty much doing a mediocre-to-poor job of everything that day.

It was about thirty minutes past our two children’s normal bedtime, and they didn’t even have their pajamas on yet. We had eaten an uninspired excuse for a dinner. The house was a mess. The kids were whining and fighting over toys while wearing saggy diapers. My husband and I had our voices raised a little so that we could hear each other over the din of our cranky, tired children. We had both been all-but-ignoring the kids as we tried to start an ill-timed discussion about something involving this tough situation we are currently in.

And then one of the kids tripped over a toy and got hurt again (for the third time in ten minutes) and launched into dramatic sobs.

And it just struck me at that moment. What the Lord required of us at that particular moment was to focus on putting our children to bed. To finish getting their pajamas on, to brush their little teeth, to sit in our old brown recliner and read them a story, and to do our nightly prayers as a family.

And so we did.

To live faithfully, moment by moment, is to say “yes,” as our Blessed Mother did, leaving the thought of everything else to Him who loves you, who works everything together for your good, who knows what you need and when you need it.

My frequent prayer now is that God would help me to be present and faithful to what He is asking of me in each little moment and situation of the day. It’s so hard to do sometimes! But what a beautiful dignity our full attention to each moment gives to our lives. And what fruit the Lord can harvest and what peace He wants to give our hearts--when we learn how to live our moments on purpose, in His purpose.

All I really need to say "yes"

 

"Holiness is forged through a constant interplay between God's grace and the correspondence of man." ~St. Josemaria, Friends of God

God will never withhold the grace I need to do His will. It's just a fact. It's going to be there.

But God's grace isn't going to magically make my feet keep walking or my mouth close or my hands keep doing dishes without slamming things around because I'm irritated with my husband about something. :)

I think it's more a matter of His grace softening my heart, calming my soul, and fortifying my mind just enough that, somewhere in me, I can say that terrifically difficult "yes" in one particular moment.

I will confess that one such particular moment today was this evening. I was trying to get out the door to go work at a coffee shop after the kids went down for bed, but Gabriel kept insisting that he had to go poo-poo, and that I was the only person in the whole wide world he wanted in the bathroom to cheer him on. (We're potty training and he still hasn't gone Number Two in the potty, so we're trying to indulge him a little until we (wishful thinking here) get him to let out that First Magic Poo that gets him over this last hump of training.)

My to-do work list tonight was long. I was feeling seven months pregnant and was having too many Braxton-Hicks. My time was already cut shorter than expected due to a late arrival home from dinner and a couple of wild-but-adorable kids hyped up on the sprinkle cupcakes that were served for dessert.

And by golly, after nine days of potty training so far, I was so ready for this kid to POOP ON THE POTTY. New, first-time-potty-training mom that I am.

Somehow I didn't lose my temper. Gabe didn't poop on the potty, but he went to bed cheerfully after four or so urgent trips to the bathroom. I didn't make it out the house to the coffee shop, but did find time tonight to work on some marketing projects, prepare a little for the radio show tomorrow, and also post this rambly blog.

At a time when I've been dealing with a very painful personal situation lately, I am so glad--and profoundly humbled--to be writing about working to let God's grace in on the small stuff. Keep me open to you, Lord, that I might see your will, that I might love your will, that I might be faithful in the small things and the big things you ask of me!

Pep talk

 

"Sad? ... Because you have fallen in that little battle? No! Be cheerful! Because in the next one, thanks to God's graces and to your humiliation now, you will conquer!" ~St. Josemaria, The Way of the Cross

Taking up your (real) crosses

St. Josemaria's Way of the Cross is a great little book (a pamphlet really) with short, hard-hitting reflections on the stations of the cross. We prayed the stations each day together on my silent retreat a few weeks ago, and I keep finding myself now thinking back on some of the little inspirations the Lord put on my heart as we walked with him through His passion. 

For some reason, tonight I keep thinking about one particular part of the meditation from the second station (Jesus Takes up His Own Cross).

"That voice you hear within you: 'What a heavy yoke you have freely taken upon yourself! ' ...is the voice of the devil; the heavy burden...of your pride.

Ask Our Lord for humility, and you too will understand those words of Jesus: iugum enim meum suave est, et onus meum leve (Matt 11:30), which I like to translate freely, as follows: My yoke is freedom, my yoke is love, my yoke is unity, my yoke is life, my yoke is fruitfulness. 

There is a kind of fear around, a fear of the Cross, of Our Lord 's Cross. What has happened is that people have begun to regard as crosses all the unpleasant things that crop up in life, and they do not know how to take them as God 's children should, with supernatural outlook." 

Yet again, leave it to St. Josemaria to make me cringe with self-realization.

How often I have I lost a supernatural outlook--a right heart, in right perspective--on both the real crosses and the plain old "unpleasant things" in my life? How many times have I let the devil into my over-active mind to wreak havoc imagining new crosses for myself, or breeding self-pity and false humility?

On my retreat, I spent some time in prayer listing out the real crosses that the Lord has permitted in my life. Then I looked at each thing I had written down, and prayed St. Josemaria's famous prayer, "Lord, that I might see."
Jesus says in the gospel of Matthew that, "If anyone wishes to come after me, let him take up his cross daily and follow me" (Matt 16:24).
As I read that verse, it speaks to me like this: Each day, Erin, begin again in your walk with God. Even if you've been nothing but mediocre for days or weeks or months or years. Each morning, take up the crosses and also "all those unpleasant things" the Lord has permitted in your life, and follow Him by choosing to respond in everything just like our Blessed Mother did--with acceptance, trust and hope.

I need some sugar. And other Lenten struggles. And why charity isn't just about giving.

I've had a bit of a rough Lent so far, and lately I've been craving sugar like mad. *Sigh*

Would be sooooooo great right now...

My stomach and my hips (ahem, apparently) ALWAYS have room for chocolate chip cookies though...

And now I promise I am returning to blogging from my late-night sugar craving tangents. :) 

Have you ever been doing just fine for a while, and then your Plate suddenly starts to pile up too quickly...and then you find yourself without your teeth brushed dressed in ugly cutoff sweatpants and one of your husband's old t-shirts sobbing in the bathroom next to a three-year-old squirming unproductively on the potty for the twelfth time that morning and an 18-month-old throwing a temper tantrum on the floor because she can't have the orange slice that she dropped into the plunger when you weren't looking?

That's sort of where I am sometimes right now.

I'm having some general Lenten struggles (surprise, surprise:), some family struggles, some spiritual struggles, and some wearying-business-of-taking-care-of-two-little-children-and-a-house-by-myself-most-of-the-time-while-in-my-third-trimester struggles. I know I need this rocky road right now. It's here, so it must be the Lord's will, so He must be using it for my good in some way.

I think that, for me, the relationship struggles I am having in my life right now are the hardest for me. I am finding that I have much more to learn about the virtue of charity. Not the almsgiving kind of charity, either. The charity that you practice in your relationships with people, especially people who are close to you. Leave it to St. Josemaria to have just the Ponder-in-My-Heart quote for me.

"Charity consists not so much in giving as in understanding." -St. Josemaria Escriva, The Way, 463

Wow. I know. 

We can give and serve all we want, above and beyond even, but if we do it without an understanding and willing heart, it's not worth a thing. I think that understanding is about really trying to figure out where the other person is coming from in every way, and making excuses for them whenever possible. The Lord doesn't call us to excuse poor behavior, just not to become self-righteous and angry about every little thing. We're not called to be doormats, but anyone who reads the Gospel has to see that Christ certainly calls us to bear patiently with more slights and hurts than our society tells us is "right" or even dignified. 

There are plenty of times when there is absolutely no way we can "understand" the poor behavior of someone who is hurting us. It's at those times that I think we've got to remember how much we ourselves still sin. When it comes down to it, if we have so many defects of virtue and character in ourselves, why are we so surprised and dismayed to find defects in others? Maybe "understanding" is sometimes just about remembering that we've all got things we need to work on. Just because you have figured something out (by the grace of God alone!) that somebody else hasn't figured out yet (even though you think they should have it figured out by now:) doesn't mean you are any better than they are. 

A friend sent me and some other girls an email this morning with an encouraging quote for the day, but it was this quote in her signature line that really got me through the day today by reminding me to just be present to whatever I was doing and whoever I was with.

"Perform faithfully what God requires of you each moment, and leave the thought of everything else to Him. I assure you that to live in this way will give you great peace." ~St. Jane Frances de Chantal 

Praise be to God for the amazing, holy, uplifting women I walk this path of womanhood and motherhood with!  What would I do without you? 

"Hold your horses!": The need to grow in interiority

My mom was full of euphemisms when I was growing up. I think it's a Southern thing, and I love her for it.:) Anyway, one of the euphemisms I remember best is, "Hold your horses!", which was utilized whenever somebody was getting ahead of herself in action or anxiety.

I think that women often struggle with a certain tendency to sometimes let our thoughts and worries get away from us...like a herd of wild horses perhaps.:)  We worry and agonize. We think and think and think about our problems and challenges until we are in near-despair, or hysteria, or fear, or indignation.

I do not presume to say this is a tendency of all women (neither am I saying that men can't make mountains out of molehills too!:)

Some people come out of the womb with naturally easy-going personalities. But I think that truly steady hearts are grown by progressing in the spiritual life. Those souls get to the point that they can reign in their thoughts and allow "the peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding to guard their hearts and minds." 

Blessed John Paul II, whose showed over and over again in life and writing that he honored, respected and maybe understood women maybe better than we ourselves, said once that women, especially, need to grow in interiority,  to be "women of prayer." 

I've been learning more about this interiority stuff. I am learning that interiority is not a lofty, exclusive, pie-in-the-sky goal only for the likes of saints and religious. It's for us Everyday Folk too. It's not about "keeping everything bottled up inside." It is not about being scrupulous or unhealthily turned inward on ourselves.

Interiority is about becoming a woman of prayer and pondering--like Mary was. The Bible tells us that at the most pivotal, confusing, and important points in Mary's life, she simply "pondered all these things in her heart." Always, our Blessed Mother was receptive, trusting, accepting and hopeful. No matter what.

I was at a talk recently in which the priest reminded us that both sin and sanctity begin in our thoughts. I had never thought about it like that before. It makes so much sense to me to focus on how to reign in my thoughts and emotions. It makes sense, knowing my tendency to worry or to work myself into anger and bitterness sometimes, to learn how to throw out the trash and let in the treasure of the Holy Spirit's counsel and grace--before I lose sight of Heaven because I have turned so far inward onto myself.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You." ~Isaiah 26:3

Nesting like crazy.

Time to admit it. I've been nesting like crazy, ya'll. All of the closets, drawers and cabinets in my house have been quaking with fear lately. I've been descending upon them one by one in spontaneous, furious purging and organizing sessions, with garbage bags in hand and a heart devoid of sentimentality. At least 20 garbage bags worth of stuff is gone from my home since January 1. Not to mention that I've been organizing everything I can possibly think of. I even colored-coded-and-symboled our family calendar using an appy on my fancy new phone.


There is nothing in my drawers or my closet now that I don't actually wear. Mr. Potato head has all of his body parts in one place for the first time in a couple of years. Our old cardboard "medicine box" is now three neat, labeled baskets of non-expired medicines and supplies. I threw away all of my sketchy and mis-matched Tupperware. I gave away half our Lego collection because two large baskets (one for the Mega blocks and one for regular-sized ones) is quite enough for any family. I've even cleaned out my pantry, fridge and freezer.

Like crazy. But it's not like I've had some Master To-Do List of Organizing. Every little project has been entirely spontaneous (and probably not entirely well-timed all the time, as Michael will charitably choose not to comment about:).

Sometimes I've done little projects while my kids nap in the afternoon or after they go to bed, but more often I have just corralled them in the same room with me during rainy or lazy mornings or afternoons at home. I let them have a blast right alongside me playing Legos or making pillow forts or sharing a bowl of popcorn while watching Curious George. (I love that I don't have to entertain them all of the time anymore!:)

I'm already chuckling at myself, looking back at this post a few years (or months) from now. I'm so hormonal. So nesting. Such a young, silly mom.:) I think I'll still be thankful then, though, that I didn't let the clutter and the unnecessary keep piling up in my home. A well-ordered home is a goal of mine, because I think that for me, it helps me to achieve my underlying goals of sanctifying the material and spiritual work of my vocation, and teaching my children how to be productive, orderly souls on the outside and the inside.

I don't think it is possible keep up with our ideas of an orderly home (or even get a start on organizing things) in every season of our lives. (I think that's when the 5 P's come into play most helpfully, right? Remind me of that old post of mine, in fact, when I post something in three months or so about feeling overwhelmed by having two toddlers and a newborn and a messy, icky house.:)

A clean, organized home certainly won't be possibly for a while after I have this new baby. I may find that it's not possible for quite a while after this new baby...who knows? :) Maybe what is "orderly" to me now will be a little more messy, but no less orderly for our state in life, in a few months...or years. As a sweet friend of mine with three young children told me just today, "After you have your third, some days if everyone is fed and has clean pants, you've done really, really well."

My work as a wife and mother is not holy and pleasing to the Lord only if my house and family are perfectly taken care of. My work is holy and pleasing to Him whenever it is offered up with a willing and thankful heart. 

Thank goodness. :)

"God loves a cheerful giver. And God has the power to supply your abundantly with every kind of blessing, so that with all your needs well-supplied at all times, you may have something to spare for every work of mercy." ~2 Corinthians 9:7-8

A little miracle and a marriage lesson from Downton Abbey (sort of)

A miracle has happened over the last few days at my house: Michael has now watched four episodes of Downton Abbey with me! (Thank you, PBS, for posting them for free!)

My husband has watched them with me of his own free will. And he has been asking questions, lots of them. He even mentioned yesterday that he should probably watch the first two seasons so that he can know what's going on a little more. Ahhh!

Talk about my heart skipping beats over this man. Wow.

I have never been more thrilled to pause a show four or five times (at his request) to (badly) explain things like, "OK, so that blond guy Matthew, the guy whom Mary the oldest daughter is marrying, is really a more middle-class guy but is the heir to the money because of the English laws at the time that prevented the money passing to a woman and the Titanic killed the other heir who actually had amnesia for a while and moved to Canada but came back during the war and remembered who he was but he was terribly disfigured and he ended up running away again so we'll just have to see what happens with that. Poor Lady Edith."

While I'm pretty ridiculously excited that my husband sat down to watch a totally-not-his-type-of-show program with me, I've been thinking more seriously about a minor, but important event, that I think led up to that moment.

The evening that Michael and I first watched Downton Abbey together, after the kids had gone to bed, he happened to be playing a certain multi-player online war game that he loves and I generally come close to despising. (I am not a video game fan, especially video games about war. There's something about having to constantly be thinking about killing people and at the same time being chased by increasingly dangerous and well-armed opponents that just isn't in the same hemisphere as my cup of tea.)

My mom was visiting that night, and after she and I finished some things in the kitchen, she suddenly sat down in the living room to watch him. And she started asking him questions about what he was doing. That man practically lit up like a Christmas tree. He started animatedly explaining things to her, and before long, my mom and I were both sitting on the couch, all but cheering him on as he got all the way to a personal record of Wave 23. I was maybe sort-of-if-I'm-being-honest slightly excited for him.

I remember feeling guilty that night as I thought about my longtime behavior toward Michael when he plays this game. Truth-be-told, he is always careful to turn down the volume, and he always asks respectfully (maybe sheepishly) if I mind if he plays. He knows I don't "approve" of it. I've made it probably painfully obvious that I'm not the least bit interested in it. But you know, the fact is that he almost always meets up online with his brothers, cousins, or his uncle to play, and they play as a team and goof off and generally have a blast together. I should be more glad that he has this small way to stay connected with his family, who all live at least a state away from us.

I wonder if my mom, and me just a little, showing some interest in Michael's game was what made him decide to give Downton Abbey a try.

I wonder if me dropping my snobby condescension for a few minutes softened his heart toward something that I enjoy doing.

I wonder. :)


In my opinion, Lady Mary is a little snobby about a lot of things. I think it will be interesting to see how she and Matthew's relationship matures.:)

When blogs can be deceiving:)

After reading this post over at Moxie Wife (one of my FAVORITE blogs:), I wanted to post a little something along those lines here on Humble Handmaid.

I try so hard on Humble Handmaid to write about my life without crossing the line of sharing too much or too specifically. There are plenty of struggles in my life that I will never blog about because they are too personal. I have probably crossed the over-sharing line before, though! I know I have.

The thing is, I hope everyone who reads this blog knows that I have many, many of the same problems they do in marriage, parenting and relationships. Please don't put me on a pedestal or think I have everything figured out.:)

I have to remember--we all do--that we can't compare our outtakes against everyone else's highlight reels. Often, blogs end up being highlight reels, however well-intentioned and honest. Just the fact that we bloggers miraculously find the time to type out blogs regularly or even just post pics of our kids seems overwhelming to a lot of you--you've told me.:)

Thanks for sticking me with and for all of the encouraging comments you leave. I am so incredibly thankful for God leading me to this outlet/hobby and surprising little ministry of writing for all of you.

Peace be with you!

See you someday, Downton Abbey Season 3

We don't have cable at my house--or even local channels. For whatever quirky technology reason, we pretty much only have Netflix through our Xbox. Which is fine with me most of the time.

Except for when Downton Abbey came along.


I devoured the first two seasons on DVD last summer, and now that Season 3 is here, I've been trying to figure out a way to watch it online either on my laptop or somehow on our regular TV, and I was delighted to find out that I could watch it directly at PBS.org. And not only that, I found an app on Xbox live that I could get to the PBS website and stream the show right onto my TV. Yay!

Yesterday, I finally couldn't stand it any longer (apparently something REALLY BIG happens a few episodes in?!) and I decided to try to sneak in Season 3, Episode 1 during the kids' naptime while I cooked and cleaned. About 10 minutes in, the website froze and a moment later Gabriel woke up inexplicably early and emotionally unstable from his nap. So, I had to quit my Downton Abbey endeavor for the day. :(

This afternoon, I decided I had to try to finish Episode 1...despite being incredibly busy with a dozen things on my I-won't-bore-you-with-it-to-do list. Well, I got a lovely 20 minutes in before Gabriel woke up again very early because a jet roared over the house and scared the pee out of him (his diaper was soaked) and then Faith woke up soon after because she's teething like mad right now.

And I guess I thought I could finish folding that last load of laundry and give them both an orange to eat and they'd sit quietly beside me while I watched Matthew and Mary finally get married and see if this Mrs. Bartlett lead would do anything for Bates and if Thomas could find Lord Grantham's dress shirts in time for his mother-in-law's birthday dinner.

But then Gabriel finished his second orange (I had already paused the show and gotten up three times between the both of them for cups and additional oranges) and he decided he was bored and started asking me over and over again in his whiniest voice to watch The Lorax and Faith was crying and drooling all over everything and then she stepped on the Xbox controller and turned off the Xbox--and Episode 1.

And you know what people? I burst into tears. Boo-hoo bawled. Then I started laugh-crying at myself for being so ridiculous. If you want your three-year-old to stop whining and asking you the same question three thousand times in a row, just burst into tears in front of him. (Why didn't I think of this before?)

I still have 17 minutes or so of Episode 1 to watch. My mom is coming to visit this weekend, so maybe we will get to sit down and watch it together at some point...If not, I know I'll see you someday, Downton Abbey Season 3. I may just have to wait until you come out on Netflix...and my kids are out of the house.:)