In Praise of Big Strong Men and my new herb garden

When Jenay and Chris got here at the beginning of the month, I couldn't wait to show off my beautiful new house to them. I had slaved all weekend to get the house looking its best.

And when (I thought) the tour had ended, and Michael headed to the back door and said,"Wait until you see the backyard!"--my heart dropped. 

Because my backyard needs some serious lovin'. In a bad way. We've just had a lot going on/have procrastinated since we bought our house last summer. We haven't done much except mow the law since then, which brings us to where we are now. You reap what you sow. Or what you don't weed, in our case. 

I could tell that Chris and Jenay didn't quite know what to say when they saw the backyard. The freeze-burned/killed tropical plants, including a large group of obviously suffering philodendrons. The very dead banana tree patch. The horrifically weedy/ferny/ugly garden patch right around the outside of the kitchen. The leaning treehouse covered in ivy with an old tarp as a roof. The broken wooden swing hanging from the tree. A very stained, very dirty, very hand-me-down kids' picnic table. Some old plastic patio furniture standing awkwardly next to big piles of dried brown Christmas tree branches Michael chopped up after Christmas to use for our fireplace. The stone statue of a squirrel with one ear missing. 

And that's just the backyard. 

Needless to say, both Michael and I realized at that moment that we needed to spend some time in the backyard VERY soon, BEFORE the onslaught of Houston summer heat arrives in a few weeks. We have talked many times about all of our plans for the front and backyard, and it felt so good to finally get started! 

This weekend was Chris and Jenay's last with us. And when Chris asked me what house project he could help with this weekend, Michael and I knew exactly what to say! Michael and Chris spent all day long working on our yard yesterday, and I was so excited and proud of their work!!! 

There is still A LOT of work to do on our yard, but here's a summary of what they accomplished yesterday:

• Pulled ivy and weeds off play set and found out the playset is surprisingly sturdy. 
• Cleared out patch of tropical dead plants, including three banana trees, a lemon plant, some palms, and some very thick weeds. 
• Cleared out the garden patch around the outside of the kitchen (note that the "before" picture doesn't do it enough justice to how awful it was because Michael had spent a couple of hours digging up some of the larger weeds and dead plants before I took the picture)
• Planted me an herb garden with cilantro, parsley, oregano, and basil. 
• Cleaned out the backside of the front yard flowerbed so we can put in a small rock barrier for drainage purposes
• Pruned our front yard crape myrtle 

Chris and Michael about to plant the herbs

The Dead Banana Tree/Tropical Plants Patch

The Suffering Philodendrons :( I'm hoping they're not entirely dead, and some pruning and time will have them up and perky again one day. 

Note the rotting, folded-up pumpkins from Halloween that I somehow thought would magically disappear behind that dead plant in a pot next to our storage shed...how classy :)

Our Leaning Treehouse, de-ivyed already by Michael. It's surprisingly sturdy! I want my friends to know this because they all avoid letting their children play on it when they come over! :)

My hardworkin' hubby

The Dead Banana Tree/Tropical Plants patch is CLEARED! Who knew there was that stone column thingy hidden in there? Michael wants to install a pond in this area, but I'm not sure how I feel about that yet!

My little herb garden. One plant of each kind, planted in alphabetical order. It's a start! 

My Valentine's Day hydrangea. Michael said he wanted to get me flowers that we could plant outside. 

The front of my house. And the back of the Swagger Wagon. Note the neatly-pruned Crape Myrtle. 

• Planted my Valentine's Day hydrangea. 

Blogger tips?

Ladies and (the occasional) gentlemen who follow my blog: 

Does anyone have a good Website or tips for working with Blogger? I want to expand my blog from one side of the screen to the other, for example, but haven't figured out how to "work the system" yet on that task. I want to make the blog a little more user-friendly as well, so suggestions and tips are appreciated! 

Thank you! 

Do I need thank you's? (My most recent article on CatholicMom.com)

Do I Need Thank You’s?

Posted by Erin Franco on February 24th, 2011 in Columnists

One of my favorite games to play when I was little was “house.” I would set up my little house and all of its rooms, decorate and then keep everything neat and clean and in its place. I also usually had a baby (but no husband, strangely) who slept all the time and never cried or needed diaper changes.

Well, when I grew up (am I All Grown Up now?), got married and began to keep a home for the first time (while working), something strange happened: I quickly developed a powerful need to make sure that Michael knew about each and every thing I had done in and for our home each day. Heaven forbid Michael would think I had not used every second of my day before and after work productively.

Through directly telling him or making little side comments, I had to make sure he was told about every grocery run, how many loads of laundry I managed to get through, how many times I unloaded the dishwasher; if I wiped off the counters in the bathroom, and if organized the bookshelf that day. And it really used to crush me when he forgot to thank me frequently enough (in my mind) for everything I did.

But at some point, I realized that I don’t need as many “thank you’s” as I used to.

Don’t get me wrong: Being observant and in-touch enough with your spouse to say mutual, frequent and sincere thank you’s about large and small acts of service is absolutely important and healthy for your marriage. But service done in a spirit of needing or expecting thanks isn’t the kind of service that makes healthy relationships, marriages and families. I’ve learned that lesson something of the hard way in my short married life.

For a while now, God has been gently teaching me about true, joyful service to others–and especially to my family. He has shown me that it’s all well and good for me to go above and beyond in serving my friends (which Michael and I both have a big heart to do), but the real challenge and opportunity for growing in holiness lies in family life.

I still feel so far away from where I want to be on this!

But God has been a faithful friend and wise counselor to me, and just as he has guided my life on a larger scale (marrying Michael, having a baby, etc.), he has gently guided my spiritual growth and helped me, as a young wife and mother, to learn how to live his awesome plan for marriage and family.

Before my reflections on this post, I had never thought of the following passage as a teaching on service. But I see now that it actually lends itself perfectly to the service we wives and mothers perform for our families:

“Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.” – Matthew 6:1-4

Which brings me to a favorite verse of mine that always helps me return to peace and refresh my soul in my service to my family:

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” –Galatians 6:9

Copyright 2011 Erin Franco 

Bye Bye First Trimester! And Why Being Pregnant Doesn't Make You Right

I'm officially past my first trimester! AND I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much better over the past few days. I even went on a walk this morning with Gabriel, something I haven't had the energy or desire to do in weeks. I'll admit that it's been rough over the past six weeks! 

I praise God in His mercy and timing that he sent us Chris and Jenay to help us over this past month while Chris did a medical school rotation here in Houston. I don't know what I would have done without them. Cried a lot more probably. Both me and Gabriel. And probably Michael. And we would have eaten a lot more frozen pizza and macaroni and cheese for dinner, that's for sure. :) 

Aside from my physical trials with nausea and fatigue, I've struggled a bit with being very emotional lately. I've felt extra sensitive about little things, like housework being backed up, whininess from Gabriel, or a conversation that turns less than positive about some topic or another.

Being pregnant doesn't make you right. I wish it did! I want SO much to do and feel and say and want the right thing. But alas, being pregnant doesn't (and shouldn't) give you the kind of leverage we all secretly wish we had. :) Michael isn't going to bow to my every thought, opinion and desire just because I'm carrying his second child. And that's OK; that's the way it should be. One lesson I've learned in my relatively short adult life is that life must go on, no matter what's going on. The everyday reality of that really hit me over this past month, especially. I did have lots of help, in the form of Chris, Jenay, and a very sweet, hardworking and patient husband, but many things still fell to me to get done. It was so humbling for me to be so weak, but to still have to care for my toddler and keep a house in working order!

This picture is one of my favorites! I found it online when I was pregnant with Gabriel, and I'm still amazed by how beautiful--and cool--this photo is! 

Beach weekend!

Last weekend's retreat went BEAUTIFULLY--pun intended :) The retreat's theme was "Beloved," and all of the talks were centered around learning to let God love us, how to realize and offer to others the beauty of our hearts (which is God), and how to let God romance our hearts as women. It was a peaceful, relaxed weekend and retreat. We really focused on making this retreat fun, prayerful and "laid back" for the girls. And it was. :)

A special treat was having our church's priest, Fr. Vincent, drive 1 1/2 hours to the beach house just to say mass for us...on the beach! (Bucket list item #59: Attend extremely moving and beautiful mass on the beach. Check.)

Another HUGE treat was getting to have Michael and Gabriel come up and spend Sunday afternoon at the beach after the girls left to go back home!

Gabriel eating at the picnic table on the porch! He LOVED it.

Gabriel in his Hawaiian shirt watching the luggage for us. 

The view from our front porch!

The beautiful women of God on our retreat

These girls really left with hearts for God!

Me, Sarah and Fiona celebrating the glory of creation :)

Another view from our front porch--wow!

Off to the beach

I just wanted to let everyone know that I'll be "offline" for the weekend...because I'll be at the beach!

I'm off to the beach this weekend to staff the high school girls' retreat for my church. I'm so excited about the retreat...if you read this, please offer up a prayer for everyone on the weekend.

Blessings,

Erin

A Valentine's Day quote to grow with

Michael and I posing for a glamour shot at the Spring Banquet at LSU's Christ the King in 2007. I love this picture:) (And I loved that dress...too bad it was my roommate's!)

A good friend of mine here in Houston gave a talk on Dating and Chastity for our church's Life Night last night, and one of the first quotes she used in her presentation hit me square in the heart:

"Love has reached maturity when it surpasses loving someone for how they make you feel, and ascends to loving someone for who that person is."

I have known my husband for less than six years, and I am in awe at both how much I have grown in understanding and living out real love, and at how much more I have to learn about the kind of love and marriage that God wants for me. 

It's so easy to "love" someone when they are acting in a way that is loveable to you. At least it is for me. When Michael does something especially sweet or thoughtful, my immediate reaction is always to do something special for him. I might give him an extra hug or peck on the cheek, pick out an outfit before he asks me to (he's colorblind:), or just stop him in the middle of dinner and tell him how much I adore and respect him. 

Michael still makes me feel like a princess sometimes. If I'm being honest, more than sometimes :) He is a wonderful, wonderful guy--a Keeper as my mom has told me many times. 

And yet, Michael can also make me more frustrated, hurt and angry than just about anyone I know! 

But through those challenges in my relationship with him, I have grown spiritually in ways I cannot measure or fully explain. My relationship with Michael has been a huge part of the Making of Me, of my turning my life wholeheartedly to what I'd best explain as living my life God's way. 

Thinking of Michael in this light, the light of his being my earthly partner, God's most important blessing and instrument in my life, is the first step for me in remembering that I am called to love him for who he is, and not just for how he makes me feel. 

Why Friday Made up for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday

Last week was a long and tiring one for me! It wasn't a bad week, just busy.

But Friday really made up for Sunday through Thursday :)

Friday was busy as well, but my kind of busy! I had an 8am ultrasound appointment that Michael and Gabriel attended with me. Getting to hear Baby Franco's heartbeat and see his or her little pictures for the first time--as a family--was so special.

I took Gabriel in to MDO for the day (we're on a MWF schedule now since Jenay is here) but they asked me to take him home since he was still rattling a good bit. Bless them for their caution and health policies, but Gabriel has been to MDO exactly two full days in February due to cold weather cancellations and to his having a cold and being sent home. It's been tough trying to work with him at home so much. And I'm trying hard not to abuse my sister-in-law's gracious babysitting offer while she's here! In any case, though, Gabriel ended up sleeping a lot and I ended up finishing my work projects early, so everything worked out beautifully in the end.

 But back to why the rest of the day was wonderful.

After I finished some projects for work, I had some time to pick up the house a bit and then take a nice shower before I went to get my hair cut at 3:30. I haven't gotten my hair cut in many months, so it was a treat to go again. The hidden treasure behind not getting my hair cut for all those months, however, is that we've been saving a few dollars each month in our budget for so long that I had quite a little wad of cash to spend on myself!

Which means that I had enough money on Friday for a 5pm spa pedicure, 6pm dinner at La Madeleine with some girlfriends, and 7:30pm movie ("The King's Speech). The best words to describe my Friday evening are "refreshing," "fun," and (dare I say it?!) "well-deserved." :)

The spa pedicure was fantastic! My friend Max suggested Suzie's Nail, a salon right by my house, and I ended up loving it. The pedicure chairs were top-of-the-line massage chairs that actually did an incredible job on some aching parts of my lower back, and the hot neck wrap was lovely. I loved the extensive drink menu and hot towel leg wraps, as well as the foot and leg massage and choices of salt scrub and lotion scents (I got Orange Dreamsicle because it actually reminded me of my honeymoon).

And I just love the color I chose for my toes. It's a very dark red called "I Don't Do Dishes." It just spoke to  me...

The only downside of the pedicure whatsoever was that I happened to shave my legs only a few hours before. They were shamefully, er, wooly. Shaving right before a spa pedicure of course didn't bode well for my poor legs when they did the scented bath salt exfoliant. I had her skip the salt scrub on my right leg after my left leg erupted into a painful, bright red, fiery rash! It brought some wetness to my eyes for a few minutes, I'll admit! The sweet woman doing my pedicure, Paula, told me that I should come with hairy legs next time.

To which I said that I would and simultaneously thought to myself, "which will be when exactly?"

Dinner was almost as much of a treat as my pedicure. I love La Madeleine. I got half of a hot chicken Caesar sandwich, some tomato-basil pesto pasta salad, and a cup of soup. Some of my favorites! The only thing was that I really could have eaten TWICE the amount of food I had on my plate! I wanted to go back and order something else, but the line was long and my Stash of Cash was actually running out a bit.

So I just bought a ridiculously expensive small bag of popcorn at the movie theater later, of which I ate about $.75 worth. Looking back, I should have just sprung for more food at La Madeleine. $5.75 for a small paper bag of popcorn is a tragedy.

At the least the movie was fantastic! I loved "The King's Speech" and definitely recommend it. It is rated R, however, I'm guessing for one scene in particular when the king is doing speech therapy and begins cursing up a storm in order to deal with his inner demons. I actually blushed all over in that scene, but really the scene was very fitting and funny in that particular moment of the movie. Otherwise, the movie was clean, funny, and beautifully done. Colin Firth should win an Oscar for this one. He was wonderful.

At the end of the movie, I was pretty tired. It was 10:15pm, which is WAY past my normal/ideal bedtime. BUT it was a good tired. A very good tired. The kind of tired where you are dreaming of your warm bed as much as you are cheerfully remembering all of the high points of the evening. :)

I'm so thankful for a fun evening with Jenay and my girlfriends, and for such a great day to refresh me after a long week. Not to mention a long time since I've done anything remotely like this for myself, not to mention spent this kind of Girl Time with my friends. Michael does "guy stuff" with his friends much,  much more regularly than I do things with mine, and he's an inspiration to me in that.

It's Saturday night and I'm off to bed. I had another great day today, but as usual, I'm exhausted and ready for my lovely bed, even though it's only 8:50pm. Goodnight!

A few pictures (and video!) that made my day today :)

What a cutie patootie!!!!!

Precious!

Lookin' all cozy in my little womb :)

How amazing! This little 1-inch person is snuggling and wiggling around inside of me already...wow. 

I'll be honest, I've struggled both with Gabriel and with this little one with the fear of miscarriage. I know that it's a devastating but surprisingly common thing--especially before the 14-week mark. And many people I know have had to deal with one or more miscarriages, and several of those were past the 5-month mark. 

I've found myself saying things a lot lately like, "Oh, we're only 8 weeks along," or "It's still so early, you know..." But after seeing my ultrasound pictures and video today, I'm so inspired to commit myself to peace again, to trusting "as a little child" in God when it comes to this pregnancy and future ones. At literally 10 weeks and 6 days old, this little person I'm carrying has a heartbeat, head and arms and legs, and favorite ways to stretch and positions to nap. 

One thing that Michael and I believe strongly is that every baby is a gift from God for as long as we are blessed with him or her. 

Love and blessings from Houston on all of you today! 

All the time I need

I've been reading Kimberly Hahn's Graced and Gifted lately. (I've had it on loan for a shamefully long time from my friend Lucy).

I love it! This book has been another special tool God has used to inspire, encourage and affirm me in motherhood and family life.

As you  may have noticed from some of my posts over the last few months, the everyday work of managing a home and family (on top of a part-time job, in my case) is often a source of stress for me. Stress lived, I hope, in perspective, but stress all the same.

One thing that has made an enormous difference for me in coping with that stress has been the addition over the past year of personal prayer and Scripture meditation first thing each morning. As Kimberly often points out in the book, the Bible is simply full of advice on starting your day in prayer:

"Let me hear in the morning of your merciful love; for in you I put my trust. Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  -Psalm 143:

Kimberly puts it beautifully in Grace and Gifted. In prayer, we receive God's grace in order to be a channel of that grace to our families. In growing in knowledge of our faith, we learn and are reminded of who we are in Christ, so that we can teach and remind our families of who they are in Christ. 

Over the past year, I would say that I have been mostly faithful to my morning prayer commitment. Yet despite knowing how energizing, important and necessary my morning time with God is, I have definitely failed to keep that morning appointment many times because of fatigue, holidays, traveling, or some other not-so-legitimate-even-at-the-time excuse! 

Granted, morning sickness over the past three weeks probably qualifies as a Good Excuse. It's about all I can do to get through the Hail Mary while my body is trying to dry heave my guts out in the bathroom! And that's OK. There will always be seasons in life (illness, pregnancy, new babies, etc.) in which a regular morning prayer routine just isn't possible for a period of time.

When I'm not sick, nursing, or turning green with nausea in the mornings, though, I feel ashamed as I write this to admit that morning sleepiness is such an obstacle for me.

Kimberly includes some helpful (but challenging!) quotes on spiritual discipline from St. Josemaria Escriva and the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

"Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment, getting up on the dot, at a set time, without granting a single minute to laziness. If, with the help of God, you conquer yourself in that moment, you'll have accomplished a great deal for the rest of the day." -St. Josemaria Escriva

"One does not undertake contemplative prayer only when one has the time. One makes time for the Lord, with the firm determination not to give up, no matter what trials and dryness we may encounter." -Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 2710

I think that a lot of Christians believe that only those God calls to consecrated or pastoral life are called to profound holiness and intimacy with God. I also think that a lot of people believe that only those God calls to consecrated or pastoral life are called to grow their relationship with God in a purposeful, disciplined way.

Not so! If we "Average Joe" lay persons believe that, we're believing a wildly popular lie from the devil. We're also missing out on becoming the person God created us to be.

Back to my stress with managing a home and family while working part-time. Kimberly has a personal daily quote she uses to stay focused on God amid all the activities and duties of motherhood and family life.

"There is all the time I need today to do God's will today." 

What a simple, perfectly stated way to look at all the tasks of your day in the light of keeping God at the center of your life and your home.

For me, this little mantra takes me back to my time with God in the morning, a time in which I give him what's on my heart's to-do list, and learn a little more every day how to take on what's on His.

The 8pm Shutdown - An update

The 8pm Shutdown rule hasn't exactly been wildly successful this week, but it's not been a complete failure either.

On Sunday night, I had a Life Night after 5:30pm mass, so after mass I didn't get home until around 9:30pm, after which I promptly walked past my messy kitchen and house and crashed into bed (Michael, Chris and Jenay had something of an unexpected event happen on Sunday after mass in which they helped a good friend of our with an emergency ER visit for her little boy. Hence the reason why the house was a mess).

On Monday night, Michael and I had our monthly budgeting date. Actually, maybe "date" isn't the best term for our monthly meetings. They're usually not the least bit romantic, unless we happen to agree on how to spend/save every single dollar from that month's budget in five minutes and then we go out for milkshakes afterwards, rent a movie we've been waiting on to come out and go home and snuggle on the couch in front of a fire. Actually that's never happened, but I'm hoping it will one day :)

Anyway:), our "date" this month took much longer than expected and encroached far into the 8pm Shutdown. But, that's the beauty of keeping flexibility in your life: you don't get bent out of shape if things don't happen when you want them to!

Tonight (Tuesday), I had a meeting at 7pm for the Life Teen girls' retreat I'm staffing later this month. We will have about 20 girls on the retreat and will spend the weekend at a beach house about an hour away. It's the closest thing to a girls' weekend I've have in I-Can't-Remember-How-Long, so I'm pretty excited! Plus, the retreat is based around some of the ideas from a wonderful book I read in college, Captivating.

So, as you can see I haven't exactly been able to be consistent enough with the 8pm Shutdown to be able to gush about all its wonderful blessings yet, but I'm confident that I will be able to one day soon!

In other news, Michael, me, Gabriel, Chris and Jenay went to the Houston Zoo this afternoon to take advantage of First Tuesdays free admission. We had a GREAT time! AND we got really, really cold! It was a beautiful, sunshine-filled afternoon, but it was in the 30's the entire time we were there. Gabriel was a trooper and loved everything, of course, as did all of us "adults" who enjoyed getting out of the house and the office (or the home office, in my case).

Michael and Chris took advantage of the fact that we were one of only about 50 visitors in the whole zoo this afternoon because it was so cold today, and the two of them entertained themselves with "ka-pow!" sounds every time they saw something with hooves. Or a turkey hoot when we saw the turkeys...you get the picture :). Gabriel loved it though, I have to say. He grinned the entire time! Here are a couple of pictures!

Gabriel is keeping his eye on that hungry female lion!!! Hahaha :)


Our proper family portrait in front of the same lion, who has her eye on another visitor in this photo. Between the two of us, Michael and I only have two green, left-handed, men's course cotton work gloves with factory numbers on the back of them. We took turns wearing them around the zoo yesterday. Gratefully. I swear I used to have some beautiful ivory leather and suede winter gloves, but they grew legs and walked off sometime between high school and today. I think I need to hit up some winter clearance sales. Maybe before the temperatures in Houston climb out of the 30's!

Michael and Gabriel in the prairie dog tunnel!

Good night wonderful readers. Blessings and peace be on you!