Spiritual dryness

I loved this post today by Melody at Blossoming Joy.

I've been dealing with a bit of spiritual dryness myself this week. I connected so much with Melody's humility and desire to reunite with Christ in the midst of the sort of nothing's-really-wrong-but-I'm-just-not-on-a-mountaintop-right-now spiritual dryness that we all go through from time to time. I think this post is such a down-to-earth example of how, as a woman, our spirit can be so willing, but our flesh so weak!

(Her "Happy Meal box" metaphor is brilliant, by the way. Enjoy :)

Dry as Dust...

Just put one foot in front of the other, dear Mama. Such is the sage advice that I offer to myself this fine day. It's not that life is particularly difficult right now. I'm not depressed, injured, ill or unusually anxious. Just a little flat on emotional enthusiasm... which probably just means that I'm busy and tired.


I approach the keyboard and nothing flows. It's not that I'm not thinking; I'm just not thinking well. I approach my planner and am not inspired to fill it. I step onto the court to start playing the game and immediately wonder how long it will take to conclude. I approach the sewing machine... and then walk away. I approach the stove and wonder why the food looks so unappetizing ...


I approach my God and take it one slow step at a time, apologizing for my lack and asking Him to pull me through the strangely arduous task of spending time with the Him; the Beloved.


But again, it would be a mistake to say that I am unhappy or depressed right now. I'm fine although perhaps a little tired. I remember those times when the Presence of God was something I felt in my very bones and I sigh wistfully. I am not whining loudly but I have a small complaint embedded in my heart; like the little girl who used to feel wronged by the world when she was permitted to have a burger, fries and a drink... but not in a happy meal box.


The Chief and I were walking and talking recently about the crush of worldliness in our lives. He feels it in a particularly strong way as he juggles the obligations and responsibilities of family and the demands of his job. It's like having two families, he said. So we walk and talk and reconnect. We have established a weekly date night where we play volleyball together and burn off a little steam and laugh together. And then yesterday morning he fell down the stairs.


It was a short set of stairs that he approached carelessly early in the morning. A few bandaids and a broken toe later, he is fine but frustrated. "Like a big paper cut" he says. "Not the worst thing that could happen but terribly annoying." He doesn't know how good and healing it is for me to walk with him alone in our neighborhood and how very hard it was to set that aside when my own toe was broken. And he doesn't realize how all of my desire to play volleyball tonight just disappeared since he won't be there. And so I whine for those preferences even as I sit at his strong and loving side while he ices his blackening toe.


It seems that when we start to step away from God a little, He allows it to progress to an uncomfortable point so that we are faced with a choice. Do we muster up the courage and energy that we barely have to call out to Him again? Or do we let it all slip away like sand? I think choosing a life of faith and love can slip away as easily as that. We are tired. We are bored. We stop praying. We stop thinking. We have a dry day. A dry week. A dry year. A broken toe. A broken heart. A preference that becomes larger than our love.


Lord, I can feel myself slipping. Thank you for letting me see it. It is time to stand up in your grace and fight for the Life that You have given to me. I just need a moment... one moment to rest...


Of course, if I take that moment, I will take another. And another. Now is the moment of grace. Just like every moment. Starting again like a baby, I will need His hand for every step.

God forgive me for whining about my happy meal box when I have everything I need and everything You desire to give me... which is enough. 

Confidence

Confidence. That's been the word on my heart these past few days. 

When Michael and I moved to Houston after we got married, we became friends with an amazing young Catholic couple, Matt and Lucy Coles. When we met them, Matt had been battling a non-smoker's lung cancer for three years. The cancer had spread to dozens of painful tumors throughout his body by the time he passed away at 28 years old in December 2010, leaving Lucy and three little sons--the youngest just two weeks old. Despite the fact that Matt had a decidedly terminal illness, I have never met a stronger, more joyful, more confident man in my life.

Matt lived out a joyful confidence in God's love and provision that is almost indescribable. From working full-time to provide for his family, to painstakingly researching and preparing natural foods and healing treatments for himself, to trusting that God would provide new vehicles and appliances when theirs broke, Matt never seemed to skip a beat in trusting that God would provide the grace and resources he and his family needed. 

Our friend Matt walked with a confidence that Michael and I are inspired by now more than ever. The recent birth of our beautiful baby girl, Faith, has coincided with some financial and personal challenges for our family. We chose Faith's name because we have already been challenged in several ways this year to trust God more fully, and now it seems that God has chosen to permit more challenges in our lives to grow us even closer to Him.

Our society's New Age self-help culture tells us that "we have everything we need inside," that "we just have to find and unleash the goddess in ourselves!" and that "we just have to believe in ourselves, and we can do anything!" 

That message of inflated self confidence and self-reliance is ultimately false and defeating. Instead of walking with total confidence in ourselves, I think life is about learning to walk with total humility, knowing that we're weak, knowing that we need God in every step on the specific path of life He created for each of us. And trusting with all our hearts that He's going to provide for us, and that "all things work for the good of those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts. -Isaiah 55:6-9 

Here's to the kind of confidence displayed by the Proverbs 31 woman, who is "clothed in strength and dignity, [and] laughs at the days to come." As your humble handmaid, Lord, let it be done unto me according to your will.

Sugar and spice and everything nice

I'm. in. love.

she kind of looks like a bodybuilder here, especially with the striped onesie-dress, but that's OK. :)

Weekly Highs and Lows

Highs

...I had the pleasure of visiting with several friends this week. It was good for my soul to get out of the house! Thank you Suzie, Lucy, Julie, Stephanie and Kristen for good company, encouragement and conversation this week.

...We settled on a date for Faith's baptism, as well as a date for a trip back "home" to Louisiana to visit family and friends. I can't wait! 

...Colin gave Gabriel a little Drew Brees Saints jersey, and we taught Gabriel how to say, "Who dat!?" He was super cute!

...I've been enjoying my little daughter so much! Her littleness, her sweet temperament--even nursing her! She is such a darling little blessing. :)

...Gabriel has started being sweet to his sister. What a special moment!

Lows

...Gabriel has been a challenge for us this week. I really floundered a few times over the past few days, all during times I was handling both babies by myself and he was behaving badly. By "flounder," I mean I really lost my composure with Gabriel several times, yelling and/or spanking him and/or simultaneously bursting into tears.
...Gabriel has been especially difficult for Michael and me at bedtime and during the night, refusing to go to bed, waking up hysterical during the night and refusing to go back to sleep. We need some prayers! 

O me of little Faith

It's 9:28 p.m.

To blog or shower? Or go to sleep and try to get in a few minutes of rest before the next feeding? 

Tonight I decided to blog and shower. (Maybe I'll get in a few minutes of sleep if I type quickly!)

I am still heartily enjoying my precious newborn baby, but I'm starting to battle a bit of the baby blues I think. I think that my lack of sleep lately has started to wear me down at this point. I have been incredibly blessed to be able to nap almost every day, but overall my body is definitely protesting the loss of uninterrupted sleep at night. 

Add to this the fact that little Gabriel has been painfully needy and whiny lately. 

I am praying right now for the grace to walk this time in my life like the famous "Proverbs 31 woman," who is "clothed with strength and dignity; [and] can laugh at the days to come" (Proverbs 31:25). (I laugh at the "laugh at the days to come" part almost every time. What a challenge!)

As for strength, I feel like a total wimp at least once each and every day right now. Having children is an instant, demanding, compelling lesson in unselfishness. Raising little ones is a constant demand on your time, energy, mind and body, and it can be exhausting!  It can also be humbling. 

Make that it also is humbling. 

I've been struggling with that aformentioned "wimp" feeling because I feel like I should be trusting God more, that I shouldn't be so overcome by one whiny toddler and one hungry two-week-old. Maybe God wants me to feel overwhelmed a little though, to remind me that I need Him and that I can't do a single thing well without Him. Laura Story's song "Blessings" is on the radio a lot right now, and the chorus always gets me: 

"What if your blessings come through raindrops?/

What if your healing comes through tears?/

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?/

What if the trials of this life are your blessings in disguise?" 

Despite it all, I do definitely feel the dignity of the Proverbs 31 woman. I am blessed to have a family and community that has made me feel beautifully noble and respected as a mother, by their words and actions. The encouragement of that community and especially all of the help with meals during the last two weeks have been wonderful. I want to write everyone a long and special thank you note--when I get some time! :)

It's 10:15 p.m. This blog post unfortunately shows that I apparently would rather shower and blog than write those thank you notes. If you're reading this and you're a friend or family member who dropped off a precious meal for us, please bear with me in the days to come. And consider laughing with me too. :)

Angel baby

So far, Faith has been a real angel baby! What a lovely blessing and a sweet new spirit in our family. She had her days and nights figured out from birth, I think, which has been a sort of best case scenario for me and nighttime sleep. I'm still tired much of the time, but not desperately so.

Faith also has the most easygoing disposition I've ever seen in a newborn. The only thing that upsets her is delay in getting her food, and perhaps a couple of times she fussed for a few seconds in her bouncer to let us know she was ready for a quieter nap in the crib.

Honest.


I've only very rarely had to drag out my "5 S's" over the last 11 days. ("Happiest Baby on the Block" reference)

I've had the best time dressing Faith. Little dresses and bows and booties are so fun! I feel so blessed that we have not had to buy a single item of clothing for Faith so far. We have had several thoughtful friends and coworkers pass on bags of beautiful clothes from their own little girls.

Gabriel had definitely been acting more needy since we brought Faith home. There have been a handful of times when I've been nursing that Gabriel has had major, ugly temper tantrums. ;( it's toughest when both babies are crying!!!

Overall, however, we are all adjusting beautifully. My energy and cheerfulness are on the rise as I have lost some baby weight already and feel so much better physically.

I've even been out to the park and to visit Michael at work in our awesome new double stroller, a phil&ted's Classic.

Lately...

Lately, I've been adjusting to having my heart grow so much bigger in such a short time that it has nearly taken my breath away. :) I'm in love with my little girl and I honestly haven't desired to do much else other than nurse her and snuggle with her!

Holding my little Faith about 10 seconds after she came out! My delivery was an incredible experience this time around...amazing! 

Faith and her Daddy

Our first family photo!

My mom has been a HUGE blessing for the past week with cleaning, running errands, and watching Gabriel. She is supposed to leave tomorrow or Wednesday, and I'm already so sad just thinking of her leaving. Gabriel is such a handful, and it's been wonderful to have her help me love on him this week as we're all adjusting to having a new family member. Gabriel can tell that something is new, but he doesn't know what. He is acting out just the slightest bit more to get attention I think. I want to make sure that Gabriel feels just as loved as ever, and that we give him enough positive attention--the kind where we sit down and read and play Legos and count Cheerios and aren't just talking to him when we're correcting him.

 My awesome mom :)

Introducing Faith Lucia

She's here!

Faith Lucia Franco was born (on her due date!) on Tuesday, September 6, 2011 at 2:20pm. She was 7lb, 8oz and by all accounts was the picture-perfect healthy term baby!

We truly had a happy labor and delivery (as "happy" as labor gets, anyway:), and Michael and I could both feel the prayers of family and friends giving us extra grace and courage!

Faith's birth was definitely a better and more joy-filled experience than Gabriel's birth was. One part of that was that I had, in fact, been through labor before, and I knew what to expect and how to handle it. The other part of that was that I was much, much better rested for my labor with Faith. With Gabriel, I went into labor at 8pm on a Sunday night after a long, busy day. I had Gabriel at lunchtime the next day, and didn't sleep until after that! I had my first Get-Your-Attention-and-Start-Timing contraction for Faith at 7:15 a.m. after a full night of sleep (well, as good of sleep as you get at 9 months pregnant). Our roommate, Colin, took care of Gabriel and left the house for most of the morning so that Michael and I could get through early labor in peace and quiet.

We went to the hospital at 10am, and had Faith in our arms about four hours later. It was fast, but blessedly so. Everything was so fast, in fact, that my epidural almost didn't have time to kick in, something I will admit I was a hair's breadth away from panicking about. It's easy to forget just how intense, painful and ultimately humbling labor can be! I don't know what I would have done without my husband there for what I did go through "naturally" before my epidural kicked in completely (at about 8 1/2 centimeters or so). Michael was such an amazing coach!

At four days old now, Faith has so far been an absolutely angelic infant. She has a sweet, calm personality as far as we can tell. She is easily persuaded that All is Right with the World again if she gets upset--which isn't often. She sleeps, eats, cuddles, and endures diaper changes (and arms changes around a room of people) like a pro! She seems to be as comfortable sleeping in her crib as she is in my arms.

Of course, all of this is on a "so far" basis. :) Her mommy is so in love with her that I've already forgiven her for any inclination she may have to become more demanding tomorrow or next week or at some point down the line.

These first few days, at least, have been a treasure.

Of course I'm planning to write about Gabriel's response to Faith, our first few days at home, and the overwhelming love and responses from friends and family upon Faith's birth, but now I must go and fulfill my duty to the First Rule of New Moms, "sleep when the baby sleeps." :)