Stories from a warrior wife, and mowing for my marriage

Last weekend I scored some major Cool Wife brownie points with Michael. 

On Saturday, my friend Susie and I ran a mud run/adventure race called the Warrior Dash. The website describes the race as a "12 obstacles from hell along a 3.21-mile course." The first sentence on the waiver form explains it in more detail though: 

"I understand that participating in 'Warrior Dash' ("Event") is an inherently dangerous activity that presents extreme obstacles, including, but not limited to, fire, mud pits, barbed wire, cargo nets, junk cars, climbing, heights, jumping into water, water crossings, steep hills and uneven terrain." 

Yes, it was slightly dangerous (some of it), but not extremely so. Not so that I felt unwise during the run considering I have two babies and a husband depending on me. Yes, there was fire. A mud pit. Barbed wire. Heights. Cargo nets. Jumping into water. And you-have-NO-CLUE-extreme amounts of mud. 

But in the end, most of the obstacles were just fun. You had to crawl under the barbed wire, but you weren't scraping yourself along in an army crawl or anything. The climbing obstacles were pretty scary for me, though. And physically a little tough--you have to have some upper body strength to pull yourself up the rope on the vertical and slanted wall obstacles we had. 

All in all, if you can laugh at yourself getting dirtier than you've every been in your life, and are in decent enough shape to jog a couple of miles or so, and maybe can do a few push-ups, it wasn't that bad.

Whatever shoes you ran in were pretty much ruined, so most people donated them to a shoe recycling group that collected them after the race (I ended up keeping mine and washing them at home though).

Muddy front and back

So proud!!!

Look at those cute, clean little Warrior Dash newbies...they have no clue...

The first fire pit jump...I just closed my eyes and jumped as high and as wide as I could. I did feel a little heat, but I was wet from swimming through the mud pit under the barbed wire right before this obstacle, so maybe that was helpful?

So, Warrior Dash was awesome, and I think I shall do it again sometime. :)

If Saturday was a day for Doing Things I've Never Done Before, Sunday surely followed suit...I mowed the lawn. Growing up, my parents taught me how to do a lot of things, but mowing the lawn just wasn't something I ever did. Considering that my husband owns an up-and-coming lawn care company, though, I felt it was time I learned a little about the Art of Lawn Care--starting with my own yard. 

Mowing the lawn was harder work than I thought, but gratifying. Especially since Michael was thrilled that I wanted to learn how to mow. 

I'm trying. :)

The photo below is extremely unflattering (my darling hubby took it), but since it's Lent I'm trying to work through my vanity issues and post it anyway. Besides, the Warrior Dash pictures above show me way more stinky and dirty and unflattering-looking than this one! :)

 

She's irresistible.

Happy girl

10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband

 

A few days ago, I came across a great post on encouraging husbands over at Betty Beguiles, a jewel of a blog written by amazing Catholic woman, wife and homeschooling mom of five, Hallie Lord. I loved her practical, Godly suggestions for encouraging husbands.

Every husband needs encouragement every once in a while. (So does every wife, for that matter, ahem:). I know mine does. Lately things have been a little stressful at work for him, and I've been trying to do what I can to affirm and encourage him. That's part of my God-given job description.

As working or stay-at-home moms, we do a lot. But our husbands do a lot too. And it's not about who does more. It's about being the woman we want to be when we grow up.

It doesn't matter who works harder. Who takes the trash out. Who meal plans, grocery shops, cooks dinner, and does the dishes afterwards. Who is more exhausted. Who brings home (more of) the bacon. Who is more tired at the end of the day. Who steps up. Who gives more. Who bathes the kids.

What matters is that we are grownups now. And marriage isn't a "if he just does this then I would do that" kind of thing. We should strive now to be the woman God calls us to be and the woman our husbands need us to be. And our husbands need us to stand with them for better or for worse--in life and in marriage.

Besides being the most faithful of prayer warriors for your husband, here are some ways to encourage him in your daily life together. And take most of these just as suggestions that you can spring your own ideas from. Every couple is different--do what will be meaningful for you and your husband. :)

 10 Ways to Encourage Your Husband: 

1. Be kind to him - I read a great blog post a few weeks ago at Grace Full Mama called "A Kind Wife." The blogger, Joy, said that she once gave her husband a long list of things she could do for him every day. She was exhausted with raising their children and keeping up their home, and she wanted him to prioritize what meant the most to him so that she could focus more on those things. She wrote things like, "bake fresh bread for your lunches," "keep up with the laundry," and "maintain a clean, picked up house." After she gave him the list, he returned it to her with all the items on the list scratched through. At the top of the list, he wrote something that speaks for itself!

“...Get enough rest and say no to enough activities so that you have the energy to be NICE TO ME (and the kids) when I'm home. Honestly, I appreciate the rest of it, but don't really care that much if it comes at the expense of the first two things up at the top of the list. Maybe you think that I think you're a bad wife or mom if you don't do this stuff. If so, that is wrong. I would much rather have a messy house, make my own lunches from white, store-bought bread, have no snacks, etc. etc., but have a nice, happy wife who likes me, than the other way around... It’s my best friend I fell in love with and want to hang out with, not my maid!”

2. Say "thank you" - I know it sounds cheesy...but thank your husbands. For working to support you and the kids. For being tired and stressed out ultimately for your sake. For being cooped up in an office on a beautiful day when he'd rather be spending time with his family or doing something outdoors. For being a good man. Find a way to thank him that is genuine, though. I promise he'll be blown away, even if he doesn't act like it. :)

3. Take a Mommy's Night Out once a week - Or once a month, if that's the season of life you're in right now. For about six months now, I've been fairly faithful to going out by myself (or with a newborn, if needed:) for a few hours one night a week. I got this idea from a friend, a single mom with three children who is very faithful to taking her night out every week. Usually, I go to a coffee shop and blog or read, but once a month I go to adoration or a two-hour evening mini retreat offered by a great group downtown. It's still hard to leave pretty much every week, but it's been good for Michael to spend time with the kids by himself. He has even admitted that. It's been incredibly helpful and rejuvenating for me to take some time to myself. I feel I have the state-of-mind and energy to be a better wife when I get this short, but rich time to myself regularly!

4. Make his lunch - Growing up, a sandwich always tasted better when my Mom made it for me. I guess it's the same with leftovers at my house. :) Michael loves when I make his lunch for him, even when it's usually just leftovers. Having me pack up last night's pot roast and mashed potatoes with an orange and a granola bar every morning is just something that means a lot to him. A special thing that I do additionally, though, is browse through the Psalms and Proverbs each morning (well, most mornings) and pick out an encouraging verse to scribble on some scratch paper and hide in his lunch bag for him. 

5. Text (or email) him during the day - "Hope you're having a good day, sweetie. Get excited for dinner--I'm making something special tonight. See you this afternoon :)" Michael loves when I communicate with him during the day. Some people may not have the luxury of being able to call or text their spouse at work, but if you can, definitely do it! And don't call just to ask when they're coming home and if they can pick up milk and two shallots on the way home. Call them to see how they're doing. Call them without wanting something from them. 

6. Ask him for his opinion - I realized some time ago that I almost never asked Michael for his opinion on things. I'm not talking about what to wear to so-and-so's wedding. I'm talking about his opinion on if an action I'm considering taking on something is appropriate. Or if he thinks a swimsuit I'm considering buying is too immodest. Or if he thinks a blog post I'm writing is charitable enough. I have been blown away by his responses sometimes. He takes it seriously when I seriously ask him for his opinion on something that's important to me. 

7. Praise him in front of other people - All too often, we fall into the trap of husband-bashing. Even if it's in the name of making other people laugh, it's certainly not building our men up. And what isn't building them up certainly isn't building our marriages up. There's a place for fun and gently poking at one another, but oh how powerful a witness it is to both your husband and to others when you praise him in front of others! "Gosh, Michael is so good at that! He's helped me work on myself in that area so much since we got married!" "I'm so proud of him lately...he's working 13-hour days and you know what?--the man hardly complains!" 

8. Be his loudest cheerleader - My husband is a dreamer. He's a vibrant, ambitious, intelligent, charismatic, going-places kind of guy. And he needs me to have faith in him. Most of the time, I don't have to try. He's amazing and he takes incredible care of our family. But if he fails--and Mother Teresa reminds us that God calls us not to be successful, but only faithful--I will still have faith in him. That's my job. He needs me to be his most ardent fan, his loudest cheerleader. And he needs me to cheer from my heart. Sometimes, I really have to pray hard to find the way and the trust in God to cheer Michael on in his dreams, but God always provides. And if God needs me to give Michael some gentle or practical input on those dreams, He provides the timing and words for me too--if I ask Him.

9. Respect him with your words and actions - Now please don't go and assume I've subscribed to the Journal of Creepy Extremist Subserviant Wife Mumbo Jumbo. :) (But, there is a beautiful, tiny little nugget of truth in that particular right field; check out Dr. Brant Pitre's surprising and powerful talk, "Wives do WHAT?!" for a must-hear Scripture-based explanation of the dreaded Ephesians 5!). Watch your tone. Don't be confrontational. Think about it. If another man came up to your husband and acted or spoke to him like you do, how would he feel and react? Men are made differently from us, and truly have a God-given, real need and desire for unconditional respect as a man from their wives--apart from their performance. The Bible tells women over and over to respect their husbands. But the Bible tells men over and over to love their wives. When you're husband does something unloving, the last thing we want to do is be respectful in any way, but that's something we have to try to find in ourselves to do. In the end, our respect will motivate his love, and their love will motivate our respect.

10. Be playful - Our husbands are our friends. It's easy to forget that sometimes after saying "I do." One thing friends do is laugh together. Call him in the room when the kids do something funny. When he asks for a big glass of water, fill up your biggest pitcher when he's not looking and casually serve it to him. Text him a picture of a Ferrari you sat in traffic next to on the interstate this morning. Give him a go-get-'em whack on the behind as he's walking out the door to work in the morning. Surprise him by doing something goofy when he least expects it. He'll love it. He'll love you. 

* * * 

Read between the Legos

Some days, I certainly feel like this.

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, though, I take a deep breath, throw my shoulders back, and remind myself to read between the Legos--and the crusty blobs of rice cereal and last night's spaghetti sauce smeared on the back of my old kitchen chairs.

It's not that I don't clean. (And isn't that the mantra of moms everywhere?) I generally go to bed with the house picked up, the kitchen clean, and things mostly in order for the next day. I make my bed in the morning. Well, most mornings. I really do wipe off those kitchen chairs almost every day. I vacuum and clean bathrooms regularly. I generally keep up with the laundry quite admirably if I do say so myself.

But if you come over to my house at any given point, chances are you'll trip on a Lego. Or spot a stain of unknown origin on the carpet. Or find all the vowels from the ABC fridge magnets in between my couch cushions--when you sit on them.

Sorry about that.

And chances are that there might be a little red Croc or a copy of Goodnight Moon or my curling iron in the trash can in the kids bathroom (the Guest Bathroom to you).

And chances are there will be dishes stacked up in the sink and clean dishes still in the dishwasher.

And chances are there will be a pair of muddy little jeans and a pile of wilted pink azalea blooms outside the front door.

How beautiful.

If you read between the Legos, you'll see that Goodnight Moon is in the trash can because Gabriel and I had a tickle fight last night before bath time and the book got knocked off the top of the toilet into the trash can--unbeknowst to Gabriel's tickle fight attacker.

The dishes are stacked in the sink because Mommy stopped doing chores last night and watched a movie with Daddy on the couch--instead of emptying the dishwasher and finishing the dishes.

The muddy jeans and blooms outside the front door are remnants of a family walk we took yesterday afternoon.  Gabriel laughed his heart out hopping through all the puddles in the sidewalk and getting soaked to the skin. When we got home, he wanted to collect all the wilted azalea blooms that had fallen off our azalea bush by the front door. He started counting to ten over and over in his sweet, high little voice, and Faith started laughing at him with her squeaky baby dinosaur laugh. Then Gabriel started laughing at her laughing at him and then we were all laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes.

Most of the time--at least at my house--reading between the Legos will open your eyes to happy, healthy, growing children and a loving family. There are things I could do better. There are ways I could be more disciplined in my home-making and parenting and personal habits. I could dust more. I'm working on it.

In the meantime, friends are always welcome at our home. It is a true pleasure to me to at least attempt to keep a warm, friendly, relatively orderly home for my family and for guests. Michael and I both have a heart for welcoming every person who walks through our front door (which has tons of little dirty handprints all over it by the way).

But if you happen to come by when the house isn't exactly looking its best--if you have to step over a blanket fort maybe, or spot some Cheerios lined up in a row on the windowsill--thanks in advance for reading between the Legos. :)

Elvis's honest question

At Sunday mass a few weeks ago, the holy, retired, cheerful Irish priest saying mass that morning talked about The King--and for once he wasn't talking about Jesus.

Elvis always gets a crowd's attention. :)

Fr. Collins talked about how Elvis had a strong Christian background, honing his skills singing and playing gospel music at the Pentecostal church his family attended in Tupelo, Mississippi. After he started "making it big," however, Elvis struggled to reconcile his religious beliefs with the lure of showbusiness. He once asked a friend a very honest question, "What if I give up all of this, and find that God doesn't bring joy to my heart?" 


I think that's a question that is deep in my heart--and maybe yours too?--if we're being as honest as Elvis.

Many of us choose and work through a special penance during Lent, often giving up something we enjoy.
What if we gave up our very desire and hope for happiness to God--all the time? What if we decided to trust Him enough to give Him the most personal and important decisions in our lives, the decisions we make in the workplace, in our relationships with friends, in our personal habits, in our prayer lives, in our entertainment, in how we spend our money, in our marriages, in the bedroom?


I know it's hard to trust God sometimes. I've been there. I am there.

It's hard when I have a choice to make that will definitively affect the rest of my life.
It's hard when I have to fight anger and frustration to do the Godly thing in a strained relationship.
It's hard when people I would wish for approval from don't support or understand major choices I've made.
It's hard when someone I love is suffering.
It's hard when I know I won't be recognized for my effort.
It's hard when my human eyes don't see any way that He could bring good out of something terrible.
It's hard when I see in my life good people who die young, and bad people who seem to prosper.
It's hard when I hit a low point in my marriage.
It's hard when God asks me to give so unselfishly of my time, energy and finances.

At some point, as mature Christians and as human beings, we all have to face something: This God stuff is either all true--or it's not. God is either worthy of all our trust--or He's not.

And at some point, as mature Catholics, we have to face something else: following God means following the teachings of the Church he established 2,000 years ago when he gave the keys to Peter.

There is no picking and choosing what works for me, what everyone else does, what makes me comfortable, what doesn't rock the boat. And there is no place for willful ignorance. No room for apathy. No safety in staying middle-of-the-road. No time for procrastination.

When it comes down to it, though, my own short life has too many heavenly fingerprints on it for me to ignore.


So many people I know of all ages are out to "find themselves" in some way. Not that I'm any kind of expert in life at 25 years old, but so far it seems to me that perhaps life is more about losing ourselves--and finding purpose and peace--in a God who is worthy of all our trust.


And so I ponder these things in my heart this Lent, and especially this: "Whoever finds their life will lose it; and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it." -Matthew 10:39

This week

I don't think I've updated HH lately with my journey toward my 10K race in April. In general, I've been keeping up with running about twice per week. I'm pretty slow (~13:30min miles), and I usually run with the kids and our double jogging stroller (which is getting heavy these days!). I can sometimes go out by myself if Michael is home, and I'm always amazed by how much further I am able to run without pushing the stroller. I ran my first 10K distance about a week ago! Warrior Dash, the 5K adventure race I'm doing on March 17, is just a few days away now. I'm running it with my friend Susie, and we're both pretty excited! I still almost can't believe I'm doing it. It's been so long since I've set a goal like this...it may be the first time I've set a goal like this actually!

It's honestly been a little stressful around the Franco house lately, as we are starting to be swamped with new jobs and clients for our side business, CrossCutt. Michael has been working very hard about six days a week for a few weeks now. We haven't been able to spend as much family time or as many meal times together, but we're making it work as best we can. The good news is that God has been taking good care of us, providing abundantly for both our spiritual and material needs. For example, we needed to hire several new CrossCutt employees immediately to make it through the jobs we had scheduled for this week, and we have already hired two excellent young guys in the past three days who have helped Michael and our existing crew out a lot. Praise the Lord!

For the first time in my life, I am ready to fight for that day of rest on Sundays. Michael and I have been reflecting together on the wisdom and necessity of a Sunday day of rest, and what specifically that means for each of us and for our family. 

Last weekend, Michael went up to Ohio to visit my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, and my new baby niece, Lucy Claire Franco. He had a wonderful visit. While he was gone, I packed up my kids and drove to Louisiana for the weekend. The best part of the visit was when all three of my siblings surprised me by driving in to visit on Friday night! We all live in different cities and states now, and it's a pretty big deal when all of us are in the same city, let alone at my parents' house to eat a meal together...what an awesome surprise and gift for all of us! 

On to Baby Updates...Faith is sitting up now! Not quite all-the-way-steadily, but better and better each day. She is quite happy with herself. She is a chunky, spunky, very solid six-month-old. She is a good sleeper during the day but is still waking up at night a few times. Faith is also starting solids. She suddenly developed an obvious interest just this week, and it's been fun to start to include her in family meals. 

Gabriel is a big two year old. He is very tall and solid. And pretty darn handsome! His long lashes, baby blues, and amazing belly laugh are heart-stealers! I love so many little things about him. The way he adores brushing his "teef"; the way he loves his little toddler bed and goes down so cheerfully for naps and bedtime; even the way he loves wearing his little red Crocs everywhere and comes to show me when he figures out how to put them on the right feet. Even though he is so big now, he still seems like such a baby sometimes. After all, he's only two. Like a lot of first time mothers, I often feel those little anxieties in the back of my head...is he learning enough with me? Is this normal? Should he be still doing that? Shouldn't he be doing that by now? More Experienced Moms, you know what I mean! I feel like I pray constantly for wisdom to discern how to handle each little parenting and discipline situation in our day--when I remember to pray. As any mother (or father) of two-year-olds knows...they can be exasperating! 

I have so many blog posts swirling around in my head and heart. I am always "pondering" so many things in my heart. There is so much that I don't blog about for various reasons. It makes me feel better that the Bible tells us our Blessed Mother did some pondering too (Luke 2:19).  It's been humbling for me to realize that this season of my life is not one in which I can write every day or design and maintain the amazing Humble Handmaid of my dreams. I have so many dreams and plans for this blog, but God keeps telling me to just keep writing and keep waiting. 

As many of you know, I have been writing twice per month for CatholicMom.com for about a year now, and I recently made a decision to write monthly instead. If you follow my articles on that website, you'll be reading a little less of me for a while! 

Well, there's an incomplete, somewhat rambling update from your favorite Humble Handmaid:) I hope you are doing well! As always, please feel free to email me any special prayer requests (humblehandmaid_@_gmail_dot_com)--and also please continue to pray for me and my family. 

God bless! 

If you're here just for the pictures...

Cute in her hat!

Hanging out with Faux Pa. 

A Sunday afternoon with John Paul, who is four days older than her!

Great Aunt Berta is always up for babysitting :)

Just cute. 

Strawberry patch kids

On Friday, I took the kids on our first trip to a real farm to pick strawberries. We had a great time! We joined a small group of friends for a little morning field trip. 

I love this picture. That sweet baby hand stuffed more strawberries in his mouth than he dropped in the bucket though! I had Faith in the baby carrier and honestly wasn't fast enough or motivated enough or physically able to keep him from eating quite a few. He gave a new meaning to "being caught red-handed"! 

Posing with our bucket of treasure!

All dressed up to go strawberry pickin'. 

I'll admit that, up close, picking strawberries was sort of more artificial than the idyllic field of strawberries I had envisioned. Each row was covered in this black material with vents and a built-in watering system. It was still fun, though. :)